Two Phases

As requested by a reader, I’m going to share how I live two phased, how I can maintain a friendly relationship with guys no strings attached and how I’ve stayed single for so long despite my alluring persona.
      I grew up boxed, I wasn’t allowed to go out without one of my siblings, hardly even got out at all, people like me are tagged as ‘boring’, ‘omo butter’, ‘omo get inside’ and a whole lot of other stuffs. At first it got to me, started rebelling demanding to go out, never worked, I got an ass whooping instead, overtime I wasn’t even interested anymore because I had fallen more in love with the television programs, I started developing my secret power when I got a blackberry, yeah, those British guys were all over me and I wasn’t even developed, lol. I became a phone addict, I started filtering who I wanted to talk to and who I didn’t want to talk to. I remember I hardly ever chatted with a Nigerian except we are friends or you are a friend of my friend, the reason is I never really fit in with them. Their approaches, the way they talk, then I had uttermost distaste for pidgin. I could hate you in a second, the more I grew the more I realized I was this way because my head is always in a novel or I’m watching tv. I have always been so sheltered even till now but it’s slightly better. My mother would always remind me to face my studies and boys later. Tell me how most guys just want to have fun and destroy people’s lives, I would laugh about it and see it as exaggeration, I didn’t know it was kind of sinking in.
The thing is guys aren’t attracted to just booty and breasts, there are more things that attract them, I know this because I’m a late bloomer, I started developing after secondary school, I was also a tomboy, there was nothing ladylike about me, from my hairdos  to my outfits to the way I speak to my body language, I didn’t even know what Love was, I never got attracted to anyone infact the first time I got in touch with any feminine trait was when I saw Justin Bieber on YouTube. I believed I was meant to be a boy and I always mentioned it to my mother who would say I’m not serious. I didn’t have any issues telling a guy “No, I don’t like you.” Or “Eww, leave me alone.”
They called me wicked, called me a snob, some go ahead to insult me, the same me they were just asking out oo. None of it ever got to me. Using a smartphone exposes you to a lot of things you know, since I could attract guys and men without touching them, I tried to know if I could without seeing them, books I read at my age were quite expository, it became like my super power to flirt, it got so bad I started doing it unconsciously, I still do, it is a really bad thing Trust me because you find yourself in situations you can hardly get out of, but since I’m me, I just say the truth and tell them I didn’t mean a thing. At a point it got so rampant, leading people on, I stopped replying texts, for the first time in my life I didn’t subscribe to avoid the male species it was like horror to me. Horror thrills me, there’s something about horror I lust after and it scares me, so this whole thing scared me. I started to change a bit in my second year in the university, like dressing wise, it was a push from my girlfriends, boyfriends, mother and sister. My friends wouldn’t let me out of the room till I changed, the guys would disapprove of my clothing and remind me of my sex, my mom got rid of my too masculine wears, my sister started sending me feminine clothes and made me learn how to do make up and tend to my hair. This new look attracted a lot more people than I even had before. Issues got wild as I started developing more flesh in my lady parts. I don’t know how to explain it but I noticed that I have an aura that makes me stand out somehow, because no matter how I appear, Wild, Subtle, Bright, Dull, I’m always noticed, no bragging but I mean everywhere. I’ve had experiences when most of the people keep quite and stare till I leave, I’ve had experiences people would just keep smiling and waving, there was a time I was getting free stuffs you know, when I actually go somewhere with the intention of buying, when I wasn’t sure how to deal with men approaching me anymore I decided to speak with my mother. But it’s almost like a feeling, like this zeal, I love the power I have and yes I’m about to say something crazy, I thank God for it. Yup, I said it! I mean I’m not all that beautiful or all that curvy or all that much of a snack but I’m still soo appealing, it’s not about my body or my face, it’s about how you communicate, how you are true to yourself, how you carry yourself, it’s about your manner of approach, about your behavior, most people that stay in touch say the same similar thing. Now I’m one person that is so in love with herself, not in love to the point I don’t know how to listen or how to share, I’m in love with the idea of me, it’s kind of hard to explain but that’s the best way I can put it, I see myself as someone put out here on earth to bless people.
                                                                 

    Now about being two phased, Wild and Innocent, it’s not really a rare mix I think, I mean, I love taking sexy pictures and putting them up, most times I spend time admiring them, yeah people message, guys mostly, complement and stuff, believe it or not I get irritated except of course I feel like flirting or I like the person or something. Also, power lies within my eyes and smile, a lot of things I’ve gotten away with, they just have a way of shuffling between innocent and sultry or more. They give off their own statements. There’s this kind of filter reflex, I decide who I want to actually talk to. I relate better with people who aren’t phased by my appearance, religiously or not. I have this secret desire, this passion to be this really bad girl, like a ‘enter club, cause trouble’ kinda bad girl, but I wasn’t brought up that way and I feel guilty when I do anything that I really shouldn’t even though I probably enjoyed it. The bad thing that I know I do with ease is seducing. Clothing wise, talking wise, chatting wise. It isn’t for anybody but myself, these things are hard to explain but it’s a kind of energy I feed on, it brings me alive. When I tell people, I’ve never had a boyfriend they find it hard to believe. Some people still think I’m not being honest, my favorite word is "No!" Or I ignore the person or walk away. It’s not being a snob or being prideful, it’s a defense mechanism and a priority goal. You never really know what these guys are coming for, most of them are Award Winning Liars, like they have gone for training, they just want to catch cruise, possibly destroy your heart, ruin your life, ruin your name or reputation. When a guy asks me about my sex life, I instantly tag him as a scumbag, if I reply your messages, let me know what happened.
On the contrary if I want to be a dirty girl, God forgive me, you would wonder where I crawled out from. But a lot of people have gotten to understand or have realized that I’m all bark and no bite. Infact, sometimes I post somethings and some guys are like delete it or who are you deceiving?
What I would advice you is, to avoid all these guys telling you “You friendzoned me or Daddyzoned me.” Make it clear to them that you are in no way ready for a relationship with them, tell them either they are not your type or you are not ready.
Ask him from the very start what his intentions are with you. Study his body language. Keep it on repeat like a broken record how you can’t even think about a boyfriend now. Give them the signal and if they decide that they want to stick around incase they have a chance then that is their own cup of tea. Never trust a guy too much, if possible don’t trust them at all, remain skeptical about everything, because the minute you give them too much of everything, that’s the minute they start to take advantage, worm their way around.
Also, don’t just follow any guy out if you aren’t sure of how he is, it’s not safe anywhere anymore, people are really angry especially guys.
As much as I present a ‘Bad Girl’ vibe in public, my instincts are as sharp as a Ninja’s if I’m with a guy I’m just meeting or I’m not accustomed to. I used to bite or slap, now I smack the hand, warn the person or I walk away. Except I’m the one that welcomes it you have absolutely no right to touch me.
Like I said, a lot of things my mum said to me that I laughed at are things that I practice sometimes, like when she gives me permission to go out with a guy, I start to analyze different situations and I cancel out, I do it so much that if I tell my mother I’m going out with this guy, she would say okay and laugh at me when I don’t leave the house or when I come back early, “Ahan! You are not going again?” She would and then laugh at me while i stand there embarrassed. People are looking out for my first boyfriend, want to see what he would look like, but really the thing is, it isn’t about looks, it’s his intelligence, charisma, it’s that thing, that aura that he would give off  that would make humble better than anyone else to me. I don’t have to rush and date pedophiles and scumbags I would now waste my tears on. People that haven’t finished taking care of themselves, are they’ve the ones that would now take care of me? God-forbid! A man that would spoil me rotten, treat me as my folks would, that would love me as much as I love myself, that is who I seek after. With God, I am certain, I would find him, whether the enemy likes it or not. Lmao!!! For real, I’m in no rush. The only problem with everything is hormones. Hormones go crazy especially for we teenagers and we find ourselves doing things we shouldn’t, going against our discipline.
All I’m really after is a good life, an happy ending.
   Summary, it’s an habit of mine to flirt, then make things clear about the whole situation, nobody hits my fancy because nobody is high on my radar of need, I follow my discipline, I follow the word of the Spirit, I follow the Bible, put them in as a defense mechanism against any of my rebellious behaviors. I’m a chicken, don’t be deceived. Just be you, and be you with sense!