I Hate it Here

Everything is so confusing. Everyone is so confusing. Everything is dead to me. Everyone is dead to me. I want to die and be forgotten. The pain within would come to an end. I want to sleep and dream and never wake up. Walk the path that would lead me to those who have ascended. 

Sometimes I’m grateful for family and how they keep me grounded. Other times I hate family and how they add more to my internal pain. I want to let them all suffer for treating me so foreign. 

Why do I have the get the most criticism when I try real hard to play by the rules. When I try to appease so everyone can leave me in peace. Why do I have to bend snd let things roll off my back? Then the moment I don’t, I become the spawn of Lucifer. 

Why the continuous threats to disown me even when I’ve done nothing of that magnitude. Just do it already and save us all the stress. You already do not trust me even though I take on the most responsibilities, at your beck and call like a servant. Never once cheated you, always delivered. 

Yet quick to tear me down. 

I don’t want to live in a life I do not understand. A life i cannot embrace, a life that’s so lonely and there’s no one to trust but you.