Embracing the dark

What did you expect? 

Nothing more, nothing less. 

You know, it’s funny… I wanted to be the sunlight to the world around me but I’m so consumed by the dark that it now envelopes the world around me. It’s slowly eating its way into the depth of my soul until I’m consumed by it. Every time I think I’ve escaped. But it waits patiently like a jaguar in the shadows before pouncing on me. 

Sometimes I call for the absolute silence of it all. I do not seem to function how I’m supposed to, I’m not getting the company I seek. I do not fit in anywhere, it’s like I’m doomed to be alone forever so I just want to get it over with. 

I want to shut my eyes, till the world fades away, till I feel immense cold, till I kiss deeply the one that would give me comfort in my solace. I want to slip away and become nothing like I once was. Just leave me as one of the energies of the universe in my next life. Leaving as a human being has been nothing short of a mistake and chaotic. 

I feel my heart beating erratically against my chest, it feels like it would pop out and I wouldn’t mind it. I don’t have much use for it, I think it’s damaged anyway. 

The world was meant to be my playground that was it instead I feel confined and suffocated. I can’t breathe, my eyes are cloudy I can’t see. 

Nobody can save me from this. These inner monsters, nobody can see them, hear them, feel them. 

I want to shut it off forever.I want to shut down forever. I’m dead scared of it, the unknown, it’s a forever mystery but if that’s where I came from then I want to return. I wouldn’t remember a thing anyway. Right?

That’s right, no one knows.