It's Just Me

 Sigh… where do I begin? 

I’m lost within myself and I’m trying so hard to find what is missing. But I don't know what it is I am looking for. 

It's like a deep void that just can never be filled no matter what I try to use to compensate for the emptiness I feel inside. 

I crave warmth, it's the one thing that keeps me sane in all this chaos. 

When the voices start to get too loud, I need to find a distraction ASAP. Something to channel into. I'll feed off his smile for good reasons. 

Human solace to replace that which I’ve lost. I sense her sometimes. I see her in my dreams. I still call out her name. I want the world to stop or for me to go and be with her. But such thoughts drive those close to me crazy. I guess it is selfish to not consider their feelings. 

Whose life and choices is it though? 

I come across as a selfish person but who would take care of me and my emotions if not me?

In everything we do, in this age and time, we should always prioritize ourselves because no one else would do it for you.

Being unapologetically all about you can’t cost you. It's mentally draining to not be. It’s like life shows its fangs, sinks the teeth into your neck, and just keeps sucking the blood until there’s nothing left.

I’m sorry I can't be the person people want me to be. I wish I could but i can't. If I do something other than what I intend, I would spiral and end up in a dark vulnerable place. Act out and dissociate until I slowly come out of it or I reverse the action. 

You can't change me.