It’s Hard to Explain So I Keep Quiet

Sometimes I want to scream.

But I don’t.
I just sit there — in the middle of a conversation, or a breakdown, or a moment when someone’s asking what’s wrong — and I just… say nothing.

It’s not because I don’t want to speak.
It’s because the words don’t fit.
What I’m feeling doesn’t come out clean, or calm, or easy. It’s chaotic. And messy. And loud in my head, but quiet in my mouth.

So instead of trying to explain something that might not even make sense to them, or to me —
I just shut down.

 Why We Shut Down

Silence becomes a coping mechanism.
Because let’s be honest, not everyone knows how to hold your truth without twisting it.
You try to explain once, and they interrupt.
You try to open up, and they minimize it.
You finally cry, and they change the subject or make it about themselves.

So eventually, you stop trying.
Not because you don’t feel, but because you’ve been taught that your feelings make people uncomfortable.

We shut down when we’re tired of defending our sadness.
When we’re scared we’ll sound dramatic.
When we’re afraid that once the words leave our lips, they’ll lose their weight — or worse, be used against us.

Emotional Repression Isn’t Strength

People often mistake the quiet ones for the strong ones.
But silence isn’t always strength. Sometimes, it’s survival.
It’s stuffing your pain into a box because you can’t afford to break open in the middle of a normal day.

But repression always finds a way out —
in overthinking, in snapping at the smallest thing, in crying over burnt rice, in insomnia, in health problems that your doctor can’t diagnose.

It piles up until you either explode… or become numb.

How to Start Opening Up Again

Healing begins with permission.
Permission to not make sense.
Permission to say, “I don’t know how to say this, but I need to try.”

You don’t need perfect words — just real ones.

Start with safe people. Or safe places. Or even just a notebook.

• “I don’t feel like myself lately.”

• “I’ve been holding something in and I don’t know how to explain it.”

• “Can I just talk without you trying to fix it?”

Simple. Honest. Messy. But real.

Sometimes you won’t even cry until you hear yourself say it out loud.
And that’s when you know — your heart’s been begging for an exit.

Tips for Healthy Expression

Here’s what’s helped me (and might help you too):

1. Write before you speak.
Put it on paper first. Even if it’s chaotic. Let it breathe.

2. Use voice notes (for yourself or a friend).
Sometimes it’s easier to talk when you’re not being looked at.

3. Find the “one person.”
Not everyone can hold space. But someone out there can. Find your listener.

4. Use metaphors or stories.
“I feel like I’m drowning in a pool everyone else is swimming in.”
Sometimes that says more than clinical language ever could.

5. Don’t wait until you break.
Check in with yourself regularly.
You don’t have to be falling apart to deserve to speak.

It’s hard to explain, so I keep quiet.

But maybe that quiet has become too loud.
Maybe the silence is hurting more than it’s helping.

If you’re reading this and it sounds like you —
just know, you’re not alone. You’re not too much. You’re not weird for feeling deeply.
And even if it feels impossible to put it into words —
start anyway.
Even a whisper is a start.

Because you deserve to be heard — even if your voice trembles.
Even if it takes time.
Even if you have to say, “I don’t know what I’m trying to say.”
That’s okay. That’s real.

And real is enough.